:D:D!!!!!LaUgH LaUgH LaUgH & LaUgH....!!!!!:D:D

Aha...
Many days have passed by...and well I have not been able to pen down ...err..write down or else type down my thoughts on this forum....

To all my fiends who keep on thinking or wondering what am I upto these days....well my answer to them would be that am upto nothing recently...But many things....well my first dream goes something like this....To enjoy my life ekdum Fultoo masti se....which Ive always dreamt of doing...[but have not been able to lately!] Next...to earn a lottttt of money ....that too through shear hard work of me...and myself...:P

And ahh!!!

No persons allowed to go home from my life with a sad face....!!! Sohini was the other name for cheerful and always be...My motto in life was and will be living for others...I make a resolution of forgiving each and everyone who were the cause of my depression for so many years....May you all be in peace..! And always you are welcome to call me and wish me a gr8 New Year ahead!!!





 To my friends I love you all a lot...!!


And thanks for always being a sweet heart! Love you all...

And to people who could'nt understand me...Better luck next year !!! :D:D:D

I will be and am always happy....

Last but bot the least ...a small paragraph which I really liked and many people would already have seen it flashing on my blog....but those who've missed it out...here's once again the special biggg quotation from my blog!!!!

"“Maybe if I share the path I walk then a little more of your pain will vanish. I want you to heal, whoever you are. I don't care what pain you've brought the world, I just want yours to subside. No matter what, your path is yours. Dont follow misery or worry. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do. Let go of hatred. Dream of love.”"

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough."

~ from the movie..The Notebook....

 

MY LIFE SO FAR !!!! :))

I don’t know what has happened…Everything has come to an end it seems!!! Am lost! Totally lost! I find myself back to the past; a place where it was difficult to believe people around. Time is the only thing which I do not have at this point of my life. Everyone stabbing at the back unknowingly. Was I wrong in making decisions. It is like that I know that I have done a mistake , but am not sorry for that! I feel that if I have done any good to that person its not a mistake from my end and God made me do that cause he had chosen me to change some things of a person desperate of HELP..

I have lost everything in hand….including myself….my confidence…my life…my respect…my love for others…and most importantly, my Laughter and Smile!

                Today ,all I do is slog and work to keep myself busy in my life so as to forget things which I need to..I cannot get back my life , my place, my time back…but can only pray so as to keep myself happy !

                Am scared to dedicate my whole life to a person, to marry.

I believe no one can love you and care for you more than you can do to yourself! Today everyone is wary of themselves!

                That love I wanted , couldn’t be found by me! Am lonely and a lonesome!!!  But still I BELIEVE IN LOVE !!!

PS. Do not think that I have become a Devdas !!!!!!! :P 

Well I found this when I was looking for suitable pictures!!! And really liked it!!! :D:D

I kind of like the solitude that am in....!!!!  :D

LAST BREATH

From those around I hear a Cry,                                                      A muffled sob, a Hopeless sigh,                                                    I hear their footsteps leaving slow,                                                   And then I know my soul must Fly!                                                       A chilly wind begins to blow,                                                    Within my soul, from Head to Toe,                                                  And then, Last Breath escapes my lips,                                                     It's Time to leave. And I must Go!                                                          So, it is True (But it's too Late)                                                 They said: Each soul has its Given Date,                                                    When it must leave its body's core,                                                       And meet with its Eternal Fate.

                                                    Oh mark the words that I do say,
                                            Who knows, Tomorrow could be your Day,
                                                   At last, it comes to Heaven or Hell
                                                   Decide which now, Do NOT delay !
                                                     Come on my brothers let's pray
                                                      Decide which now, do not delay ....

Oh God! Oh God! I cannot see! 

My eyes are Blind! Am I still Me

Or has my soul been led astray,

And forced to pay a Priceless Fee

Alas to Dust we all return,

Some shall rejoice, while others burn

If only I knew that before

The line grew short and came my Turn!

And now, as beneath the soil 

They lay me with my records flawed

They cry not knowing that I cry worse,

For they go home and I face my GOD! 

                                                   Oh mark the words that I do say,
                                            Who knows, Tomorrow could be your Day,
                                                   At last, it comes to Heaven or Hell
                                                   Decide which now, Do NOT delay !
                                                     Come on my brothers let's pray
                                                      Decide which now, do not delay .... 

..LoVe DiS sOnG fOr MaNy ReAsOnS..

Jab jab tere paas main aaya, Ik sukoon mila
Jise main tha bhoolta aaya, Wo wajood mila
Jab aaye mausam gham ke, Tujhe yaad kiya
Jab sehme tanhapan se, Tujhe yaad kiya

..DIL... Sambhal ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu
Dil yahin ruk jaa zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu

Aisa kyun kar hua janu naa
Main janu naa..
Dil sambhal ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu
Dil yahin ruk ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu

Jis raah pe, hai ghar tera
Aksar wahan se, haan main hoon guzra
shayad yahin dil mein raha
Tu mujh ko mil jaye, Kya pata...

Kya hai yeh silsala
Janu naa, Main janu naa
Dil sambhal ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu
Dil yahin ruk ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu

Kuch bhi nahi Jab darmayaan
Phir kyun hai dil, tere hi khwaab bunta
Chaha ki de, tujhko bhula
Par yeh bhi mumkin ho na sakaa...
Kya hai yeh maamla, Janu naa
Main janu naa

Dil sambhal ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu
Dil yahin ruk ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu
Dil sambhal ja zara
Phir mohabbat karne chala hai tu

[ song : Phir Mohabbat ; Murder2 : 2011 ]

A VERY STRANGE DREAM OR WAS IT THE TRUTH ???

I dreamt a strange dream that day...a dream which I cannot forget and is there in my mind, my heart, my soul.. and is slowly getting into my nerves..!!! I dreamt about my Grandfather.. a person whom I adored the most and whom I lost whilst I was there in Banaras completing my final year !

I dream a lot about him. I get mixed feelings of me getting scared and being very happy !!! But eventually I get over it, slowly and steadily ! But this time it was different. Totally !

I dreamt that I was sitting in my own room with my parents. And suddenly I saw my Grandfather coming out from my parents' master bed room and slowly walking towards his own room !! His face was totally white like something painted on him.. I thought it was 'chandan', looked somewhat like it, as if it was smudged on his face! The whole time that he was passing by, his eyes were looking at me ! As if it was trying to hold my vision ! I screamed. I went following him towards his room! I called my mom as I was going to his room. But no one could see him. I never at once a time allowed my eyes to blink as if He will vanish as soon as I remove my vision.

He smiled at me or stared at me...I dont remember that ! He made a strange point !

"I have reincarnated" he said.

"in Bangalore"

It was like joy & strangeness that crept inside me when I woke up the next morning !

I was scared.

I wanted to cry !

Then I suddenly felt, why this dream ? Wasn't it strange..!! I could not tell anyone !

As I was thinking suddenly the phone bell rang ! I picked up ! [ I wasn't supposed to as my mom was there,but strangely at that time she was not available ] It was my Dad. He asked me the date of my grandfather's death ! I confirmed it with mom and told him..14th January 2008.

It was strange that at that time my father called up !

Was it a real signal ????

I noted down the day and the time of my dream...

29th May ...maybe 30th May 2011 after 02:00 hours.

- the day when I had A VERY STRANGE DREAM OR WAS IT THE TRUTH ???

Many a times there comes a time in our life when everything just seems to be right..!!! All right.. All correct.. & all in its way ! Contrary to this statement, many a times we also find something which is not going at its pace as it should have..

Life has made its turn.. My GUILTY is no more !! She was more than a Dog...she was never a dog.. she was like a member, a family.. Till date I could not come out of her death. That she is no more. I am still in a state of denial, which I can feel it. I don't believe that she isn't here ! I still believe that she is there and she will come out immediately when I bang the ball on the floor! Maybe if I pen down my feelings, can I actually believe that she isn't here..

I want to cry out aloud, but cannot. Everyone was crying out aloud, my brother who loved her ! My aunt..all. But me? Look at me.. Have I become a cold hearted human?? People say that many a times certain situations make you immunised ! Am I?? Have I??

I remember the day when my brother and I used to give food to her mother post-birth of her puppies, outside the room, & when she went out, we used to hurriedly close the door so as to cuddle her puppies.

Rani grew on my lap. Her dead body was there too.. But I had not cried a single tear infront !

We went to bury her. She was still looking soooooo cute !!!! She was fond of me.

I LOVE YOU STILL & WILL NEVER FORGET YOU ! PLEASE FORGIVE ME !

..no OnE kNoWs ThE ReALiTy Of OtHeRs..

Its hard to explain to people why do they react in an odd manner sometimes. Circumstances make them behave in that way. They are bound to behave in such a manner ! They cannot explain it to others as to the reason behind their sudden behaviour.

Some Pain that they carry alongwith...some deep sorrows that they cannot come out with. Cannot explain it to them, who do not understand !

Cause if they speak...the whole world will fall apart !

He cannot say anything..why how for what ???

But all that he can say is that he has something within him that forces him to keep quiet.

He has this within him & always will keep it within himself.

It will die with him.

And no one will ever come to know.

He knows people will be angry..will be ashamed..will even stop talking..take him to be the rudest of the RUde !!! But he will never speak a word..N E V E R..

"Till then I will be the worst person ever... who has committed a grave crime..I am ready to face such a statement too...But am not ready to break down their Lives..!!! Never..."

- My dear Ol' Friend...am always there for you...you are very brave and even if the world never comes to know but I know what you have gone through. I Love you very much and I will love you always being at your side. You do not know how lucky I am to be your friend. GOD will never do anything bad to you..take it from me. You are HIS favourite child !!!! Yes you are !

..I LoVeD YoU A LoT..

Suddenly missing my grandpa a lot... Many things I wanted to tell you. I could not. Many things i did. I should not have done. I loved you. I love you. And I will love you.

Missing your voice your voice your touch. I have become very lonely with the absence of your love.

Your room is all so empty without you. Your Radio does not pitch up by the famous Akashvani music that used to destroy my sleep early in the morning.

Your tuitions in maths and Bengali I miss so much. Your way of reading that famous poem witthen by Rabindranath Tagore which made you cry while reading it.. it used to make me cry too. Not because it had such a sad ending but only because you were crying.

Today am alone. I know you can see it.

You must be worried as well as proud of me for standing up so tall everytime I fell.

But sometimes I am scared to face the truth and reality and just laugh and smile... It Hurts.

I love you a lot.

I am sorry.

And I miss you.

..R A I N..

While the cold drops fall on my face my mind rushed back and just reminded me that "you are so beautiful" "there are no pressures in your life worth your tears"

Sometimes some things happen and at some point of time you suddenly find your mind telling you certain things. You find some other person talking to you. Maybe God..

Today as I was drenching myself under the natural shower I found myself suddenly all so happy !!

I love the rains especially when I become a part of their drenching conquest !! Simply love the feeling when the chilling drops fall on my head, my face, my hands, and ultimately touches my soul !! Have you ever faced the sky and opened up your arms and welcomed the rain ??? It feels awesome !!!

HAVE YOU EVER DANCED IN THE RAIN ????? Do IT n ReMeMbEr Me...

The smell that comes out of the earth after the rain touches the soil...

The dance of the flowers, the plants, the trees...

The sparrows bathing in a pool of water after the rains..

The peacock dancing..

The frogs croaking..

The greenery that follows after the rain...as if it had also suddenly motivated itself after the rains..

and..not to forget the cool breeze that follows which ultimately lifts up the spirit

Rain is ever soo romantic..ever so charming..ever so wonderful..

I lOVE tHe RaIn..Do YoU ??????

"There's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

We please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow

To those who love us best."

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

..I Am DiFfiCuLt !!!..

I am different

I am shy

I am cunning

I do lie

I am deadly

I make them cry

So do not come after me

I'll make you run for your life...

I am difficult..

i know dat a long time back

I've told many people that but they used to think I used to tell them just like that...may be to crave for more attention...But Guys..!!! I know myself more than you all do.. I knew this will happen...and to tell a truth..It feels great...

People come & go...Little do they realise each others problems & circumstances that each of them go through...Some people disclose them then & there...Other people take a lifetime to come out with their real feelings within...Beware!!! These people are the most difficult to handle...

Mood swings... Temper... Acting are the few characteristics & qualities that they posses... Stay aw

ay from them if you do not understand them well. Cause whatever you will say will

go inside their heads like a permanent stamp, but they will never come out with their own words to say anything. They feel useless to waste time & energy on fighting with people.. They will never tell you anything..

Dealing with such people is like walking on a rope without any help..!!!

Involves a lot of risk !!!

I feel I am a living Tortoise...

Coming out sometimes when everything is pleasant & going in when everything is just not right..

Happy to see the world smile someday...that is the only thing that keeps me smiling & going on in life !!!

My Brain is a big.. 'BHUL BHULAIYA' a big PUZZLE GAME , hard to solve difficult to handle...

And people do not bang your head on the wall...as the saying says...the wall does not hurt itself...its you who will ultimately bleed badly...

But if people still do not understand.. then Happy Banging !!!! :D:D

Stay cool

&

Smile always...:D:D:D

And the last words for the blog :

A suggestion..:

SMILE & LAUGH ALOUD....FEAR NO ONE AS THIS IS YOUR LIFE....TO HELL TO THOSE WHO MISUSE YOU SWEETIES....GIVE THEM A GOOD PUNCH & THROW THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE...THOSE PEOPLE ARE MORONS....:D:D

" I Feel Her Right There.. "

"I Feel It Right there... Right there.. somewhere inside the mind... or inside the brain... inside the hallway of subconciousness.. or the concious part of the mind... or anywhere under me... within

me... I feel it then and there... Cannot control her.. cannot make her understand... She resides within me right from the dark days of the Past... she was there during each and every step of my life..."

She made her what she was then...The girl who loves to lose control to get what she wants..can say what she wants .. can come out of the pressure which is made just for her to keep her under wraps..the wraps which used to suffocate her .. keep her quite..

She could not speak..could not stand up against the wrong.. was just another puppet..

She was always made to do what she did not want to do..

She is tired of being the soft spoken and good girl around.. She was told that she does not like it.. By whom??? The very Girl who is within her...the Girl whom she feels...talks to... her companion...her soul-buddy..whom she cannot let go! Not now..When she feels her taking her own place..like others did.. she did not like it at other time.. the time when someone took away her friend..her sister... another took her love.. and most of all her voice to speak up..but this time she liked it..liked being in control by someone so powerful..so great..It felt great..!!! Felt great !!!

She found her voice at last..

Sometimes its Good For You To Be Bad..!!!

If I could think less.....[sigh]

What could it be like if a person actually could think less.. hmm.. lets see.. thinking less = less emotions = (not)ME ..

:((

All in the brains.. looks like when God made me He actually fell fast asleep while the bottle of emotions poured and poured and poured !!! Sounds horrible..!!!

Believe me folks a person who has emotions filled up to the brim has no place in this fast and furious world.. You have to be careless, selfish, cruel and all so called negative sets of emotions that a person could ever have !

What could be the process ?? Simply think less and do not think of others. Do not place yourself on others shoes.. Its you that has to fight in this big clumsy world!

The concept of : The survival of the fittest actually prevails. And there are no place for emotional fools like us..

SO THINK LESS AND CRAVE FOR MORE..!!!

Lost myself....anyone found me?????

Sad but the truth pricks when you find yourself lost! Where are you? Under the bed? Under the pillow? Forgot yourself at school.. college.. workplace.. at your neighbour's place? At your lover's arms? Where..? Where can you be? Where????? You get tensed..!

You go and ask every person you know can help you find your SELF ! But they seemed to have other better works to do!

"Seriously..why will they! Its my fault..! MY OWN.. Why will I bother them..??

You get depressed as the day passes..

The evening seems to be so depressing and boring without your SELF..

The night seems to haunt you..

"What will I tell my parents..??? They loved my 'SELF' so much..and they will be furious if I tell them that I've been stupid and careless enough to lose myself..!! THE PRECIOUS SELF ! The SELF without which I am a No One! and to everyone I am that Someone!!"

Tears starts to roll down! and then.....then....You cry out aloud !

"Now??

Where shall I run?

Where?

What will I do?

How will I sustain my body without my SELF ???"

No where to run, no where to go you just sit down with a thud ! Look up at the sky..!!!

"Please Lord ! Please help me find my SELF.. I'll do anything if you help me find my SELF ! Please...Please...Please..."

You fall down on your knees crying...

Drops of tears fell down on the dry soil underneath and it felt nourished!

Suddenly you hear a VOICE...a VOice calling out your name...

You look at every side!

No one to be seen..you look down again..when you hear the voice again !

You look up at the sky and there you find the day brighter!

You look around you! The place looks wonderfully beautiful! The flowers seems to be so bright and gay-blooming with youth and vigour!!

The butterflies seems to be so happy!

The grass was greener than before !

Everything was so quite.. so serene.. so beautiful.. !

The voice said your SELF is around you! Find your SELF ! You'll definitely find IT ! Look at the flowers if they have something to offer YOU... the butterflies and the grasses.. ask everyone around you at this time to find YOU.. Nature will never let you down..

You ask the voice..

"What do you mean? I've asked every single person out there..no one was able to help me..and these things will help me find my SELF? Don't they have other things to bother about?"

The voice replied..

"You silly girl..

You were asking the DEAD SOULS to find YOU..!!!

They themselves has lost them SELVES !! How will they help you? Poor SOULS !

And the worst being the fact that they do not even know that..!

Atleast you my child have been thoughtful enough to know that you have lost your SELF ..but the others ..! What about them?

I do not know what will happen tomorrow..

But I know that until and unless all the people out here loses their SELVES the world will be there for you to live ! "

YOU SMILED !

LOOKED AS IF YOU HAVE ALREADY STARTED TO FIND YOUR SELF!

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.

~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

SMILE ALWAYS !!!!

..LiFe AfTeR DeAtH..!!!!

Ghosts, Satans, Angels, Demons, Vampires all awes me.. Are they real??? Or its just another story.. But on one thing I strongly agree..and that is 'LIFE AFTER DEATH' Fascinating.. All the protestants may protest against me... But people has the right to express their feelings..!! So am I doing.. Life after death or in English language what you call Reincarnation is a debatable topic. It has its own pros and cons..!! Scientists are still working out to find the truth! With many Near Death Experiences (NDE) to study on, the reincarnation studies are turning out to be positive. Many instances have shown that people has had similar NDE experience. They often say about going through a dark tunnel with a light at the end ! Other experience narrations tells us that could actually see their own body as their soul was out of their body. One patient at a hospital even had told his Doctor whatever was done on him during an operation operated on him. He was unconcious then..due to anaesthesia..

Dr. Kenneth Ring, a brilliant young professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, "published a paper in the Journal of Near Death Studies (Summer, 1993) concerning near-death experiencers who, while out of their bodies, witness real events that occur far away from their dead body. The important aspect to this phenomenon is that these events seen far away are later verified to be true. Experiencers not only witness events from great distances, but they have been documented to hear conversations between people at the same events. Conversations such as these have also verified to be true. An even more fascinating phenomenon occurs when the experiencer actually appears in spirit to someone, usually a loved one, during their NDE and it is verified to be true by the experiencer and the loved one. It is evidence such as this, if scientifically controlled, that can provide absolute scientific proof that consciousness can exist outside of the body. A scientifically controlled NDE that can be repeated which provides such evidence would be the scientific discovery of all time. However, science does not yet have the exact tools to accomplish this. But, science is coming very, very close. This kind of evidence and others provide very strong circumstantial evidence for the survival of consciousness. "

Some outstanding experiencers as told by Dr. Ring :

Rev.George Rodonaia underwent one of the most extended cases of a near-death experience ever recorded. Pronounced dead immediately after he was hit by a car in 1976, he was left for three days in the morgue. He did not "return to life" until a doctor began to make an incision in his abdomen as part of an autopsy procedure.

An anecdotal example of evidence that a person's consciousness leaves and returns to their body during an NDE comes from the research of Dr. Melvin Morse. Olga Gearhardt was a 63 year old woman who underwent a heart transplant because of a severe virus that attacked her heart tissue. Her entire family awaited at the hospital during the surgery, except for her son-in-law, who stayed home. The transplant was a success, but at exactly 2:15 am, her new heart stopped beating. It took the frantic transplant team three more hours to revive her. Her family was only told in the morning that her operation was a success, without other details. When they called her son-in-law with the good news, he had his own news to tell. He had already learned about the successful surgery.

At exactly 2:15 am, while he was sleeping, he awoke to see his Olga, his mother-in-law, at the foot of his bed. She told him not to worry, that she was going to be alright. She asked him to tell her daughter (his wife). He wrote down the message, and the time of day and then fell asleep. Later on at the hospital, Olga regained consciousness. Her first words were "did you get the message?" She was able to confirm that she left her body during her near-death experience and was able to travel to her son-in-law to communicate to him the message.

This anecdotal evidence demonstrates that the near-death experience is a return to consciousness at the point of death, when the brain is dying. Dr. Melvin Morse thoroughly researched Olga's testimony and every detail had objective verification including the scribbled note by the son-in-law.

A must see about people born blind can see..

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/evidence03.html

Are they lying ?? Or are they true.. Hard to say as we do not believe on certain matters until and

unless we don't experience it ourselves. Reincarnation if proved by scientists can open up our minds to such an extent where we will never be scared of death, crime will come to a fag end as we will know if such instances are proved in reality then its not far off when scientists will prove the existence of GOD...!!!

Hope I live till that day...!!!!

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM LEADING TO !!!

Kaise bataayein aur kisko bataayein, 

Ki kaisee thee woh muskurahatey, 

Jinme zindagi ki ujaaley they, 

Kaise thee woh nigaahey, Jo is dil ko choo leti thee, 

Kaisee thee woh khamoshiya, Jo kahaniya sunatee thee, 

Kaise they woh haath, Jo ab in haathon me nahin hain.. 

I always had the moment of my life. I used to love myself..my attitude towards life.. The smile that I used to place on my face. I Loved my way..my goal..my smile.. 

But sometimes somethings happen in our life to which we have no explanations as such...  My life has had many irony in it..not that I am the only person to have faced with so many troubles..

There are people who has faced many many more troubles than me.. I CAN SALUTE THEM AS I KNOW THE FREQUENCY AND DENSITY OF MY PROBLEMS.

By experience I am much elder to many people..be it family troubles, peer troubles, love life troubles, and any GOD damned troubles...just name it..and whoo hoo!!! I have it all.. 

This heart has felt all the pressures..rather..all kind of wounds..this mind has felt all kind of troubles..this brain has been able to sustain all kind of  pressures  that life has to give..

And standing on this day I can (proudly/sadly) proclaim that the amount of emotions that I had..all are gone for the better..( I guess!) My heart, my mind, my brain has immuned itself from any external agents (immunogens!!!) 

I keep quite during any kind of tussles that arise from any factor-be it a small hanky panky business with a friend or with that with a family member. Sometimes keeping quite does not mean that you are suppressed down to the bottom , 

Mohabbat palkon pe kitne haseen khawaab sajaati hai.. 
Phoolon se mehakte khawaab..
Sitaron se jagmagaat khawaab.. 
Shabnam se barasti khawaab.. 
Phir kabhi yun bhi hota hai ki palko ki daaliyon se 
Khawaabon ke saare parinde ud jaate hain..
Aur aankhein veeran si reh jaati hain" 
I had wished for many things in life..Success..which was and will always be my ultimum, happiness of my parents, relatives and friends..and joy for all.. And if there was any thing that I truly asked for myself was true love.. Its joy, happiness, a partner to be at my side during my moments of thick and thin.. During childhood I used to dream of Him.. childhood gone and now the dream is slowly becoming fade..!! Today its no more than a story of a UNICORN !! a fairy tale - lovely to hear but far away from the truth. I have always been true to the people I truly consider as my close ones.. may be my fault ..cause everytime I find them lying to me..It shatters my trust, my belief, my faith! 


Tumhara naam meri sanso mein basa hai 
Tumhara naam meri tann badan mein 
zindagi bann ke rehta hai
Sun sako to suno 
Ke in fizzaon ke honton per bhi tumhara hi naam hai
Aa sako to aajawo ke meri saath yeh fizzaon bhi 
Sadiyon se tumari interzaar me hai

I have never been untrue to my relations..cause when I was in love I was true and pure to my relations
I have been very loyal to every situations..then why did life take such a drastic turn??
Why did everything break up when I had built a castle of my dreams! - all washed off and smudged by the waves!!
The days my mind was in turmoil was terrible! It had sleepless nights..the days were torturous! the evenings were 
depressed! Everything was not at par! not right..! Something was bad! Something had to be done..but the saddest and the worst part was that
I did not know what was to be done!
 


 Zara Zara Si Baatein Teri Mujhko
Yaad Aati Hai Mere Dil Ko 
Tadapati Hai Raato Mein 
Zara Zara Si Baatein Beete Lamhe Le Aati Hai
 Tasveere Si Ban Jati Hai Aankho Mein 
I still remember the times that we had spent. The moments that we had shared. The argument that we had! Everything! It brings a smile on my face when I remember all that knowledge and gyaans that I had shared with you !! 
There were times when I just was a silent spectator..was always you then who used to speak on and on about every single thing in your life which used to make you think..which used to make you cry! I just listened ! I used to love those days..



Samunder ki lehre, Apni saron pe jhuk ke, 
Taaj sajaye, Itlati huyee, Sahilon ki taraf, Badhti hai..
Sahilon par chataane hai, Lehre chaknachur ho jati hai,
Aksar, sapne bhi, sachhaiyon se, takrake yuhi, tutte hai, 
Magar dil woh kambakht hai, ke phir bhi Ummeed karta hai, 
Shayad Kabhie, shayad kahin..  
My dreams My faith My trust My belief all had shattered! Do not know if it can ever be mended! But all I know is that I TRUST THAT ALMIGHTY LORD !! And I know that he will someday or the other bring in happiness and peace of mind that I have always craved for or maybe my sister will be correct in saying...

"That someday will never come..
its only in our dreams thats everything seems to be perfect..
....in reality no day is a perfect day and no one is a perfect human being !!!
 So enjoy being not perfect...that's life !!!!"

And finally a beautiful song to end with..a song sung by Alka Yagnik :

Saare sapne kahin kho gaye.. 
Haaye hum kya se kya ho gaye.. 
Dil se Tanhaai ka dard jeeta 
Kya kahein hum pe kya kya na beeTa.. 
Tum na aaye, magar jo gaye.. 
Haaye hum kya se kya ho gaye..  

Tumne humse kahin thi jo baatein.. 
Unko dohraati hain gham ki raatein.. 
Tumse milne ke din to gaye.. 
Haaye hum kya se kya ho gaye..

Koi shikva na koi gila hai..
Tumse kab humko yeh gam mila hai... 
Haan naseeb apne hi so gaye.. 
Haaye hum kya se kya ho gaye..

live life in the best possible way..think that you have limited resource which slowly expires as time passes by .. so make full use of it 
and enjoy it the way you should !!
LOVE YOU LOADS !
SMILE ALWAYS !

Being IMPERFECT has taken me to HELL !!!! A crime that I have committed...!!!

“I'm an average girl, and sometimes I wish I could be more than that: to exceed excellence. As the days seem to go on endlessly, I await the 'someday' I've always been promised. That 'someday' when things are supposed to be perfect... the 'someday' when I find my place in this unforgiving world.”

"tomorrow never comes...the past gets in the way...I'm stuck in here today!"

Sometimes I feel like running away from here..but my thoughts of my parents always pulls me back...but circumstances..needless to say..created by me..pushes me again and again.. Am not God...am not perfect...like every other girl I'm imperfect..and will always be..I have a mind which does imperfect calculations...but people think it has to and will be working a super computer!!!! It take pressure all the time..Like in Indian langualge we call it 'faltu' (unnecessary) tensions all the time. I HATE IT when it makes 'faltu' calculations..so as to go to such an extent so as to hurt others. Seriously speaking I dont have any problem if I fall into any kind of problem which I have to handlle on my own..But it hurts the most when I realise that I've taken in someone else with me.. Don't have any words to express how I feel.. I feel that I should be punished ..punished by the ALMIGHTY above..!! In the court of law..I SHOULD BE HANGED TILL DEATH !!!

Feels disgusting at times..at myself..anger prevails and laughter vanishes from my life !! I do not like to cry..rather I hate it from the core bottom of my heart ! Disgusting...my GOD ! Feels like someone is keeping on tickling me for about many days and my hands are tied ! Feels like a ghost is around waiting to kill me...and I can't do anything else other than watch!

To the people out there I want to tell something from the core of my heart and my mind...This girl is lost, gasping for breath or supposedly dead! Never to return again...never again.. She is totally gone...! But she knows that she will not let the person within go away..She will work for others as she has been doing, but never will be doing anything for herself..nothing at all... All I want to say that I've never been untrue to anyone of you or have lied..always have tried to share everything because I considered as my own..and not to make someone jealous! otherwise I would not have said some things to you which I never should have in my whole!

And yes...one more thing, may be not the last..

IF I BREAK DOWN OR AM A BROKEN WALL..DO NOT COME TO RE BUILD ME!!!

I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO REBUILD MYSELF..AND YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT YOUR DECISIONS OF NOT HURTING YOURSELF AND BLEED..I TRULY APPRECIATE YOUR THOUGHT!

THANKING YOU TREMENDOUSLY..